Monday, June 30, 2008

Oh man, I just totally yelled at Jason for trying to help me. I was having trouble with a project so I asked for his help. I guess I expect him to just understand what I want but apparently he didn't. He made a suggestion about the project and I totally yelled at him that he should just do what I want and let me worry about how it turns out. Crap. I hate when I do that kind of stuff. He was only trying to help because I asked him to and now he feels like I was blaming him for the project not turning out how I wanted it to. Why can't I just be more patient? Patience never has been my strong suit but now that I'm trying (with my doctor's approval) to slowly taper off of the Zoloft, my patience is at an all time low. How do I determine whether or not it's just a side effect of coming off of the meds or if my being really iritable and snappy is an indication that I should stay on them? I really dislike taking them and my doctor encouraged me to slowly decrease my dosage so that I could stop taking them but if I'm gonna keep acting like this then I'd rather keep taking it. Plus, the last few weeks I have been having horrible nightmares and very vivid dreams. I wake up feeling exhausted which probably doesn't help with the crabbiness. I keep telling myself that all these yucky side effects will diminish and gradually go away altogether as my body gets used to being off of the medication but I just don't know. This sucks. Today was going so well until I started working on this project. Now I feel like a total jerk and am more confused than ever about whether or not going off these meds is a good idea or not. Guess I'll wait and see and if it gets too bad then I can always start taking it again. I've apologized to Jason about snapping at him but it doesn't undo it. Sigh. Man, I feel awful! And today was going so great before that! Guess I'll just take a bath and go to bed. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.